Bigjeeze

Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation. The first guy says, 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know. ''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist'' The second guy says, 'I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know... ''Double Income, No Kids Yet. ' The third guy says, 'I'm a R.U.B., you know. ''Rich, Urban, Biker.' The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know... ''Double Income, Little Dog Owner.'' They turn to the woman and ask her. ''What are you?'' She replies: 'I'm a WIFE, you know. 'Wash, Iron, F**k and Entertain.''

I thought htis ection was for fun and Jokes - Ooops we are talking about Arsenal aren't we? Silly me!!

It is possible it's a pressure switch fault - There is a low and high pressure switch - Have a look in the FAQ's etc.

Great result - I'll remember that!!

An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home. All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Australian home. After a few weeks in the Australian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. ''How do you like it here?'' asks the grandson. ''It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful'', says grandpa. ''We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone. '' ''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents'', Abdullah says with a big smile. ''There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'! There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honour'! There's a dentist here -- 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'! And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The F*%$*"g Arab'.''

Hope it is the linkage - if not it could be the selector - Do a search there is quite a lot of info on both problems.

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon A restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling Somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... + Tourist:

I suggest you get a quote for the pipes - they can be expensive - around the

You could check the drain for the air con - it might be blocked - it's (assuming it's not a dual system) on the bulkhead behind the engine - a sort of rubber pipe affair. If it's blocked it might make the evaporator freeze up. (or not!)

Not being in any way qualified to argue - I think that there was no point at which the car did more than 70 or 80mph it just didn't seem to pass moving cars or stationary cars at any rate - but - it did sound great!!

On a MK2 there are three torx screws - you need a long driver to get one out - Once they are undone the headlamp can be fiddled out - It looks like you need to remove the grille but you don't need to.

I have had a similar fault - Check the plug that goes on to the back of the header tank - sometimes that is loosened and gives that fault. The fan - depending on whether you have one or two - probably only comes on when the Air con is on- the engine doesn't usually get hot enough ordinarily. The run on pump may just be knackered - again not uncommon. Or of course you do have a serious fault!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Nik - I put this is the technical section cos that's where you mostly live. Have a really great birthday Kind Regards Bigjeeze

ryanair.bmp

On an August morning in 1978, French filmmaker Claude Lelouch mounted a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a friend, a professional Formula 1 racer, drive at breakneck speed through the heart of Paris. The film was limited for technical reasons to 10 minutes; the course was from Porte Dauphine, through the Louvre, to the Basilica of Sacre Coeur. No streets were closed, for Lelouch was unable to obtain a permit. The driver completed the course in about 9 minutes, reaching nearly 140 MPH in some stretches. The footage reveals him running real red lights, nearly hitting real pedestrians, and driving the wrong way up real one-way streets. Upon showing the film in public for the first time, Lelouch was arrested. He has never revealed the identity of the driver, and the film went underground. http://www.vimeo.com/2250728

I don't know exactly but I would estimate around 100Kg. I had two jacks one to hold up the engine - the other to hold the gearbox (i had modified this slightly by bolting a flat plywood plate to it to allow the Gbox to sit on it) - Once the gearbox bolts,drive shafts etc ( you don't have to remove the driveshafts completely you can just move them to one side once undone from the gbox end) were undone I lowered the engine jack carefully then once there was sufficient clearance to get the gearbox off I lowered the other one until I could get it on to the ground - That was where I needed my son's help. Once all the bolts etc are undone you need to rotate the box clockwise(Ithink!) to get it off. Once it was out is is a straight forward clutch change. Re fitting was simply the reverse although if like me you you think the engine stabiliser bracket is where the gearbox bolts in you will have a hard time!!. That to one side it was just heavy but not difficult. It was freezing cold - literally - the Gal is too big to get into either of my garages so I did it in the drive. You will need to make a judgement as to whether or not you change the DMF - I did purely because no one could tell me whether it was knackered or not - and as I didn't want to do this again I changed it. The Salve cylinder is really simple just three bolts. Bleeding wasn't too difficult - in the end I bodged up a vacuum bleeder using the eezibleed and some extra pipes.

Likewise I'm sure!! Have a good one. BJ

I am no expert but I recently changed a sensor on my MK2 and I didn't need to do any resets or use VAG com - Once I fitted the new sensor and drove the car above 20mph the light went out - and now works as before.

You did change the correct sensor I take it? There's one on either side as well as the rear.

Looky here http://www.fordgalaxy.org.uk/ford/index.php?showtopic=16733 The answers to all your questions are here on the site - just search ......

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch. My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me. A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!" I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "Morning." He replied, "No, just having a shit." Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

This is not my experience, and I believe a misleading and simplified statement. Back in 1999 I started buying premium tyres - such as the Goodyear Eagle F1s and Bridgestone Potenza S02s - subsequently replace by the S03. I was moving from mid range Goodyears, Dunlops and Avons - I have not driven better road tyres since then, despite trying different brands on different vehicles. These tyres, when worn, were also used on a number of track days and performed very well. One thing that has struck me is that the performance of top tyres stays much more consistent as they wear. I agree that 2-3 psi can make a difference in the performance of tyre, and that sports cars are more sensitive to this. However, the correct tyre pressures are critical no matter what the vehicle. Often it can take a number of years to settle on the correct pressures for a particular style of driving - I run 47psi up front on the Alhambra now, as I tend to agressively turn in, causing the outer edge of the tyre to get a lot of wear. Running a higher pressure takes load off the edge of the tyres, evening out this wear. On the Alhambra, having had Dunlops and Bridgestone, the current Conti Sport Contacts 2 are significantly better for grip in all conditions, but have worn faster. I strongly belive that paying a little extra for tyres is a bit like insurance - you may never need its benefits, but when you do, then you do! What a sensible well balanced post - a long way from some of the frankly silly comments seen so far. Take the emotion out of the subject - and the benefits of quality tyres are there for all to see. You can't buy back a life.

Do a search - I had to change these cables on my Mk1 - They cost around

If the car stalls it usually means that the clutch is at least not slipping - It doesn't mean there are no other problems.

I took my dad to the shopping centre the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?' Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. 'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'