Biscuit

Didnt mean to offend!

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.'Was the other Indian crazy or what?' The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us. Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening. The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!' He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!' With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read............... You'll like this . NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

According to Parkers mine will go up to

Hi Trig The TDI badge on the tailgate :- silver with red outline 115ps if its just red then 130ps

Happy Birthday 'T'

:lol: :lol:

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake. The average person can't. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and i betcha can't resist passing it on!!!

:unsure:

Welcome to the loony bin! :unsure: But beware of mumof4 when her medication wears off!! Although sometimes its hard to tell :lol:

Hi John To set the service indicator:- With the ignition turned off press and hold the trip meter button at the same time turn on the ignition this should then reset it

Welcome back SK its been quiet on here without you :)

Just ordered 4 tickets see you all there

CordlessDrill.wmv Dont worry it aint naughty!!!

Did you know that eagles mate for life? Well one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead! Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest. The sex was good but all the dove would say is 'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!' Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate. He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is, 'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!' So out with the loon. Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest.This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was..... No, the duck didn't say THAT .... Don't be SO obvious! The duck said, 'I am a DRAKE you made a MISTAKE !! To which the Eagle replied "You really don't say! So now I am gay!"

Hi Martin Welcome to the happy world of Galaxy owners we are a freindly bunch hope you find the site useful

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!' Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?' Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?' She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.' An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . Please advise.' The old man faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re -bait the trap.'

An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was > her boyfriend, > urgently warning her, 'Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a > car going the > wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!' > 'It's not just one car!' said the Essex girl, 'There's effing hundreds > of them! Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's Blood > everywhere. The > paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying > flat out on the > ground. > Medic: 'OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.' > Sharon : 'Ok.' > Medic: 'How many fingers am I putting up?' > Sharon : 'Oh my god, I'm paralysed from the waist down!' An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices > something > strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says, 'Scuse me > mate, I ain't > being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it > and the uva > one's got an R on it?' > The Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, > 'Well, I'm a little > bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me right foot and the > one wit the L > is for me Left foot' > 'Cor blimey', exclaims the Essex girl, 'So THATS why me knickers 'ave > got C&A on > them!'

Hi Airrex when you lock the car with the key press it twice within a second and this will lock the car but turn the alarm off>

A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour and 'dumb blonde' jokes, when a well-dressed blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts: "I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, you jerk! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being?" "It's morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and your Neanderthal brethren continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs." "You are a pathetic, misogynistic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells: "You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to that little b*****d on your knee."

German guy approaches a prostitute and says, ' I vish to buy sex vit you' 'OK' says the girl, 'I'll charge 100 Euros an hour' 'Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky' 'No problem' she replies cautiously, 'I can do a little kinky' So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant you to tie ze springs to your handz und kneez.' The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees. 'Now pleez you vill get on your handz and kneez.' She duly does this, balancing on the springs. 'You vill please blow zis duck caller as I make love to you.' She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying. The sex is fantastic. The energetic German bounces her all over the room, all the time with her honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath. Finally she gasps 'That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?' Wait For It.................................................... 'Ah', says the German, 'Four-sprung duck technique'

DO NOT CHEAT AND LOOK AT ANSWERS!!! and for Heaven's sake don't tell anyone your score WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing requires 4 correct answers) 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below. ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years 2) Which country makes Pa nama hats? Ecuador 3) >From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?November 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?Dogs 7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert 8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?Orange (of course) What do you mean, you failed? Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!) Pass this on to some brilliant friends, so they may feel useless too.

Made me chuckle…..! The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off the Scottish North coast. The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95. BRITISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision. US Navy: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. BRITISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. US Navy: This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. BRITISH: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course. US NAVY: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. Demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that's 15 degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. BRITISH: We are a lighthouse. F**k off --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Happy Birthday Gaznlou hope you had a good day