Davetheref

A man on his Harley Davidson bike was riding along a Californian beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said " Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish!. The biker pulled over and said " Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over any time I want " . The Lord said " Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little time and think of something that could possibly help mankind " . The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said " Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says something's wrong and how I can make a woman truly happy " . The Lord replied " You want two lanes or four on that bridge? "

You got it !! As that old program used to say, " say what you see"

Very close NOT!!! :16: :)

Forgot to add as well. I think the seats are great, for sitting on and the same fact as there is no having to lug them around to make room.

This is a test for Smart People The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question! 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Quite agree. I've had my S-MAX for around 5 months now and love it. My last car was a Gal Mk 2 and must admit that I did'nt want a mark 3 and went straight to the S-Max. I only have the 1.8 TDCI but runs really well and I get around 53 MPG on average overall. Once again 1 or 2 little things it had to go back to Fraud for but it is a new design and you would expect this to happen I'm afraid.

Er??? Why the quote??

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?? The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, Then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,fatty." ======== Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks in to his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish Navy.

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year. > > > Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about > > > rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use > > > a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. > > > Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same > > reason. > > > > > > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (PennyBrown) > > > who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. > > > > > > I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once receive the > > > $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating > > > in their special e-mail program. > > > > > > I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 > > > Angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has > > > granted my every wish. > > > > > > I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually > > > horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. > > > > > > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though > > > I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. > > > > > > Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get > > > answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends > > > and make a wish within five minutes. > > > > > > Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove > > > toilet stains. > > > > > > I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a > > > serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. > > > > > > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume > > > sample and rob me. > > > > > > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number > > > for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, > > > Singapore and Uzbekistan > > > > > > Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine > > > because a big black red-back spider is lurking under > > > the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum. > > > > > > And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick > > > up the $5 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was > > placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. > > > > > > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people > > > in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will > > > land on your head at 5 pm this afternoon and the > > > fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you > > > to grow a hairy hump.

Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty quid " she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the heck, its only twenty quid. So they move in the bushes. They're going at it for a couple of minutes when all of a sudden a light flashes on them, it's a police officer.

What I cant understand is, is he serious ? as some of the questions are great and they are all straight answers as well.

You really dont like the mark 3's do you Maz. :lol: ;)

As in the words of the famous song ' You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave' :)

I bought 2 different sets from Ebay and the fitting was much the same for both, one for my car and the other for my father in law's Fiesta. I actually used a volt meter to get the correct wires and the fitting was very easy. The only difficult bit was getting the holes for the sensors in the right place.

It will interesting to find out if this is the same on mark 3 gals\S-max TDCI's as cruise is one of the things i miss most going from my Ghia to a zetec.

Definately a Mark 3 Gal. The S-Max has a more rounded rear end. The Gals and the S-max look very similar as the front is the same.

Hear Hear :rolleyes: :P

The new engine was one of the main reasons I changed. That reminds of a few years ago when I almost bought a Fiat Multipla. I had one for a days test drive and the ride and engine were really good, but I couldn't live with the shape even though it was so practicle on the inside. In fact my kids threatened to dis-own me if I got it and wouldn't be seen dead in it. As you said Maz, we all have our cars we dislike from the outset but some grow on you after a time (I dont think the Multipla would ever had grown on me). :wacko:

Must admit that I really dont like the look of the C-Max and my daughter says its an 'old man's car' and wouldn't let me have one even if I wanted.

Well, I cant comment on the Mark 3 Gal but my S-Max is very much the same parts and cabin etc. and just a more rounded shape. I have had 2 mark 2 Gals in a row and even though I had no major problems at all, I love this S-Max already. It is only the 125 ps 1.8 TDCI but the engine is so much smoother and more refined than my old Gals and a lot less noisey to boot. I really like the inside cabin as well. The handbrake is great and easier to use than a traditional one. There may be a lot of chrome but I think it looks very modern and has nice clean lines. Love cubby holes and cant get enough of them. The seats are a joy and I definately do not miss lugging the old heavy seats out when I want to take a load and just cover with an old sheet if worried about moving crap about in the back. I know there is no spare wheel but in all my time with my Gals, I never once had to use the spare (kiss of death now) and there is an emergency kit supplied if needed. All in all, no complaints yet.

I have never heard of a software upgrade. Do you know what it is meant to do or help with ?

Not blinged up enough yet :lol: I am going to get the windows tinted as its not standard on the Zetec. I must admit that I do try to drive my normal daily route at around 55 mph as its mainly motorways and so I guess I do get the best return on that. I haven't worked it out myself yet and do use the on board 'computer' but I have noticed since my mark 2 that I have longer intervals now between filling up.

The MPG's seem very good so far. I'm averaging around 51 mpg and that is around town and my work journey every day of around 35 miles. I wish the 'computer' had more functions like my mark 2 Gal had but it shows when I fill up that I should get 700 miles from a tankful and its not far off that in reality. All in all, quited plesed with it.