Davetheref

Blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight-lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?' The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

The kit turned up and I tried last night and not much luck so far. It does say that you may need to do 'it' 10 times or more for it to work and that can be very time consuming as you have to wait 5 mins each time for the glue to set. I'm also not sure if the glue is strong enough to pull the dent out. a couple of times I thought that it was going to work and then the 'dent puller' came unstuck again. The idea of how it works is good and if the glue was stronger then I would say it would be brilliant. I am tempted to use some of my own glue but am not sure if that would affect the paintwork or not. Maybe I'll give it a go at the weekend in the daylight.

I have one of those 'sucker' kits I got from Ebay. Trouble is with this ding is that it is right next to a 'line' between metal and plastic and cant get any suction (oh err missus). :lol:

The video looked good but would it work the same with small dents?

I was thinking of that but couldn't see how to get the trim off without a lot of aggro. Its just below the back window and my car is an SMAX by the way and should be the same trim as the new Gal. I may well buy it and try and I'll let you all know how it goes. The last dent 'fixer' I bought from Ebay were the suction cups and they didn't seem to work.

Came back to my car the other day and found some bas***d had left a small dent on the tailgate. It is quite small but I know its there and very annoying. I found this on Ebay and wondered if anyone had tried it before. undefined Thanks

Take it to a Mr Clutch branch. My daughter's clutch went on her Saxo and it cost

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door. 'Is there a problem Officer?' The policeman says, 'Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?' The driver responds, 'I'd give it to you but I don't have one.' 'You don't have one?' The man responds, 'I lost it four times for drink driving.' The policeman is shocked. 'I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?' 'I'm sorry, I can't do that.' The policeman says, 'Why not?' 'I stole this car.' The officer says, 'Stole it?' The man says, 'Yes, and I killed the owner.' At this point the officer is getting irate. 'You what?' 'She's in the boot if you want to see.' The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car. The senior officer says, 'Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!' The man steps out of his vehicle. 'Is there a problem sir?' 'One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.' 'Murdered the owner?' The officer responds, 'Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?' The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot. The officer says, 'Is this your car sir?' The man says 'Yes' and hands over the registration papers. The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. 'One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.' The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. 'Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner.' The man replies, 'I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!'

When I got home last night I checked very closely and from all angles and I couldn't see any damage at all on the bumper although it did break one of my DIY reversing sensors (not sure where to buy just one). Just very relieved. :lol:

Thanks Tiny I will have to pop to my local Ford garage on Saturday. When this happened, it was in the middle of the local rush hour and it was a young girl driving a Nova. She said she didn't have any insurance details with her and couldn't remember them. I got her mobile number, car reg no and first name only and said I would call her when I could check properly if there was any damage. Hope I got enough info to go on. The one good thing was that I had a car full at the time and hopefully could use them as witnesses if needed.

Will we be able to logon after to get the results? :rolleyes:

Does anyone know how hard your rear bumper has to be hit to cause any damage. Last night, for the first time ever in my 33 years of driving, I was nudged up the rear by a young driver as I was waiting in a queue of traffic. I wasn't hit that hard as it almost felt like I had stalled the car and when we both got out to check, there was no marks on mine or her car but it was a definate bang\nudge. I just wondered if there are shocks or the like in the bumper to protect you up to a certain speed before damage is caused. I know I have the SMAX but it is the same rear again as the mark 3 Gal. Cheers

Whoops, should read Baby Queen

Baby Queen

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now. Tell HIM you have a headache."

Excuse my ignorance (and I have looked at the DVLA website) but what is 'claiming dla at a higher rate' ?? Cheers

I feel we should start a kiddie corner with jokes like that. :lol: :o

Never mind what is happening at *Northern Rubble*, look how *Japan* has been affected:-** ** *September 2007 NEW YORK (Rooters) - Japanese Banking crisis continues on back of US Sub Prime collapse. * *The knock on from the US sub prime market in Japan shows no signs of letting up. * *In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cutback some of its branches. * *Yesterday it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and more than likely will go for a song. * *Today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank also got the chop. * *Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff fear they may get a raw deal.*

No chance. My wife would have problems switching on my computer, let alone reading this forum. :lol:

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said, "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Maz You must be everywhere. There's no hiding from you :lol:

Just joined the SMAX club as I thought it would be the same as here but to get to all the really good posts you have to pay

I really dont understand this thread at all. Anyone explain???

he wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted >when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her >husband > >in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every >nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss >there. His wife went >up to him >and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and >dry and >devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, >since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a >little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one >of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just >before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put >the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation >he would make up for his outrageous behavior. >She was sitting up reading >when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same >old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." >Then she asked," Did you dance much?" He replied, I'll tell you; I >never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown >and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker >all evening. " You must have looked really silly wearing that costume >playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the >husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, >apparently he had the time of his life".

Excuse my ignorance but what is a DPF and what does it do?. I have the 1.8 TDCI SMAX. Thanks