gaznlou

Surely this has been crucified enough all ready.

Not as bad as your pun though :16:

A man and his ever nagging wife, went on vacation to Jerusalem, while they were there his wife died. The undertaker told the husband, for

Chelsea launch new aftershave, its called "the special one" by U GO BOSS Gaz

R now the truth comes out (MOM4) you said you had hoovered, when it was child labour all along :16:

> The Sex Frog > A young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an > Exotic pet. > > As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs. > > The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only

We have a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs. Her car isn't registered or insured, and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing. Her bad tempered old man is famous for upsetting foreigners with racist comments. A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved yet. All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay. Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always seen out in nightclubs. The family's odd antics are always in the papers. They are out of control! Honestly - - - - who'd want to live near Windsor Castle?

A man was in a long line at his local Tesco store. As he got to the check out he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't Know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Checkout 5." The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the check out, he told the girl that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the check out for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Checkout 5." A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the check out he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said................. (you'll love this one...................) Scroll down........... "Mop and bucket to Checkout 5"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions 1st guy says "I'm a YUPPIE" u know, young, urban, professional, peaceful, intelligent, ecologist 2nd guy says "I'm a DINK" u know, Double, income, no, kids, 3rd guy says "I'm a RUB u know Rich, urban, Biker The guy's turn to the lady and ask what are you? She replies I'm a WIFE u know Wash, Iron, F%ck etc

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. 8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K <mailto:F@!K%20> YOU! 9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3. Gaz

Cowboy: "That your dog?" Indian: "Yep." Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Indian: (Look of shock!) Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian) Dog: "Yep." Cowboy: "How's he treating you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Indian: (Look of total disbelief) Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Indian: "Horse no talk." Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Indian: (Extreme look of shock!) Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian) Horse: "Yep." Cowboy: "How's he treating you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather." Indian: (Look of total amazement) Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Indian: "Sheep lie

I saw pavorotti's Wife in our local pub last night, I asked her if she had change for a tenner! Silly cow burst out crying

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for 'Bear removers.' He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover finally arrives with a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and an old pit bull. What are you going to do,' the homeowner asks? I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.' He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. 'What's the shotgun for?' asks the homeowner. 'If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children ! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away !' And the husband replied 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened. Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed, ' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!' And the husband began 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days ! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present,which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.' The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, Please do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use

Need a sunroof, Take a look at this :wacko: http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Sunroofs_W0...emZ260148596999 Gaz

Chains are usually designed for the life of the engine, but should it get noisy, it should be replaced together with the tensioner components. If the sprockets are also worn, it would be a good idea to replace these as well. Failing to change a noisy cam chain could well lead to it defining the life of the engine. Gaz

2.3 uses a Timing Chain

Did the o rings not come with the pipes then? mine did, hope it all goes well

A man checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so he thought he'd get one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when your calling for a cab. So he grabbed a card on his way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind. So when in his room, he gave her a call. "Hello?" the woman says. Wow! she sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is s*x. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?" She said, "That sounds really interesting sir, but for an outside line you need to press 9.

Don't know, probably a cost saver know in Ford

I have just noticed your Vehicle details, the reason you have not seen one since you have had the Gal, is because it was never fitted with one from new, the seal/Foam block was only fitted to 1.9 Diesel, sorry for the incorrect information.

Kirk No way of getting the code to display, you will need the Serial number of the Cassette to obtain the Code.

Yes that's the fella, might pay you to order Finis 1025581 for the sake of

Taking the pipe off the Valve, no problem it's when you feed it down from there it catches Brake pipes (hence the moving them out of the way) Oh yeah don't forget to take the foam block off the old pipe as it does not come with the new one. Gaz

The only problem you have is where it fits on the bulkhead, make sure you don't bend it, (I bent the Brakepipes down as these are more flexible) to make it easier, took me about 1 hour to fit Gaz