Bigjeeze

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. . . . [Wait for it. . It's coming. . The suspense is killing you, isn't it?] . . . . She says: "You just happened to catch my eye."

53,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a "Geordies Are Not Stupid" convention. Alan Shearer addresses the crowd. "We are all here today to prove to the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?" Gazza gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Shearer asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds Gazza says, "Eighteen!" "I'm afraid not", says Shearer. Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Geordies start chanting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" Shearer says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance". So he asks "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds Gazza eventually says,"Ninety?" Shearer looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Gazza starts crying. But then the 53,000 Geordies begin to yell and wave their hands shouting "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!" Shearer, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good, eventually says, "What is 2 plus 2?" Silence hangs over the stadium. Gazza closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?" Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Geordie crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream ............. "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Interesting points - But just remember Dr's practice medicine - they don't always get it right, there isn't always a right or wrong answer and of course they will often disagree with each other. A lot of what they do is by way of an experiment - they try this and try that until they find one that works for that patient. If it was easy being a Doc it wouldn't take at least 7 years to become one. Of course they can make mistakes they're not infallible - and despite all of our wishes they can't fix everything. I agree that sometimes you get a duff or lazy one - but I tell you what I wouldn't be without them!! - and most of you probably wouldn't either!!

Time per se doesn't exist - We only measure and mark time for our own benefit - Time of itself is a concept - it is not tangible it has no form or physical presence or being. If you didn't measure it how would you know it existed?

Kev you haven't answered my questions - Who would you believe and where do you get your data from? The Zebra runs faster than the Polar Bears and besides Global warming has made them vegetarians.

Almost verbatim for what wa ssaid about north sea oil...........that was a pack of lies as well. Ok Kev - WHo will you believe then? As far as I am aware Ivor is no politician - but what he says is backed up by freely available data - so why don't you check it out instead of relying on the comical papers and dubious tv programmes. I have no doubt we are lied to in all sorts of ways about all sorts of subjects - but I can see the facts for myself - I've got two Polar bears and a Zebra in my garden - they weren't there before this Global warming thing!! Polar bears sh*t everywhere - but you try telling them not to!!

Happy birthday Nik Have a good one.

Well I'll consider it - but then again mum tells me that marriage is a form of slavery!!!

I am sure I am going to regret this - but what and where are your facts from?

Your splitting hairs!! Most doesn't cut it - a proportion maybe . You could if you wished find out how many slaves were held in British possessions - they kept very complete records. One point to ponder - Jamaica currently has around 2.6 m population , Trinidad around 1.25 - so at the time of emancipation there would have been nothing like millions in the first place!! In the USA there might have been but certtainly not in the British possessions.

Do you by any chance read the Sun, Mail, Express or Mirror? Paranoia - it's not such a big word!! If everyone takes a little piece of me - say 1 gram then after the first million I am down 1 million grams which is 1 tonne - Strangely I don't weigh a tonne ( OK I am fat ) . So if everyone in the UK (approx 60m) saves 50kg of carbon output per year - that's 3 million tonnes - and 50Kg is not really a lot at all. Even if it doesn't fix any problems it has to help. I accept the UK is a small player in the world stakes but every little helps. I agree the UK Gov is taking the mickey and using the situation to generate tax revenue but that doesn't mean the issue isn't real.

In 1833 the Abolition of Slavery Act was passed. This made it illegal to own a slave in the British Empire and all slaves were freed...most of whom subsequently died as they were totally dependant on the previous owners.... Bit of a sweeping generalisation isn't it? Where then did the population of the British West Indies come from if they all died? In a large proportion of cases the emancipated slaves became employed - albeit on appallingly low wages - also some stayed where they were continued working but for a small wage or their keep. The next stage was the use of indentured workers - primarily from India. Not so straightforward as some people would have you believe.

For Mum then!! The Why's of Men 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their bottom-hole and they vapour lock) (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties) 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened) And the personal favourite: 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

This is what Dingo is referring to - I had a similar issue - it definitely wasn't the CV's or wheel bearings (although it might be in your case) it was the half shaft losing splines!! http://www.fordgalaxy.org.uk/ford/index.ph...p;hl=Half+Shaft Regards BJ

This could be true..... A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies "150? and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, bio-mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, F1, cricket, super models, favourite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think." And the robot asks ... real slowly... "So ...... ya gonna ... vote for ...Blair again?

Jade Goody has been attacked at her home by an intruder with a large knife. Police have arrested Shilpa's mother........Ma Shetty

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the Scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.

Try checking the providers website - it may be a system fault and not your machine at all!!

As our American cousins would say - eeeyoooooou!!

Do a searc h - this is a very common topic and there is lots of info on the site.

Now you would expect me to defend BT - so I won't let you down!! There are over 5 million BT connections on Broadband out there - and growing all the time - This is all from a standing start about 4 odd years ago - There are always probelms with all of the providers - Whoever you name someone either has a horror story or a boy aren't they great story - I have had mine in since day one - it has never ever had a fault , I get 8.1 mb down and it is brilliant - especially as I don't pay for it! Can't really complain!! Glad your back Maz - Mind you if you get too excitable I might have a word to slow you down!!

I think there may be two issues affecting Dave The first is the most obvious - the forums are busy and there isn't a lot of access bandwidth, the second is that domestic broadband is a contended service - ie 20-1 or even as much as 50-1 - so the more users the slower it gets. If it's OK during the day and only causes problems at peak periods that's probably your answer.

Can you give me an idea of how the costs breakdown and most importantly the payback period. Even with the higher yield PVs I am not sure whether or not this can cost in - being cost neutral would be a seriously tempting option but given the price of Solar PV's at the mo and their output I just can't see where you get the savings. Currently my House is heated by Gas, Hot water by Gas, Gas Hob - But Showers, Oven, Fridges etc are Electric. The Boiler is a new Condenser - My major appliances are all AA rated - all lightbulbs are low wattage yet I still can't get my bills below

Bio fuels is nothing to do with CO2 but to do with using renewable fuels, but then if we all start using bio fuels we will drain the the soil of its goodness so again in 100 years our children could be having a debate about using different methods to power vehicles. I am having to learn a lot about the different ways of heating our homes and providing energy at the moment and I only see two logical choices, solar PV, Solar water (I class these as one) and airbourne heat exchangers. Me saying air heat exchangers is good is weird as I do not sell them :) but certainly better than GSHP and the use of any other fossil fuels. Within the next year my house will be run totally on solar for heating and electricity. How will you generate enough power to run your house from Solar? I assume your heating and cooking are Gas? Because as I understand it there isn't any way of Generating enough power to run a house from Solar - you just can't get enough power nor store it.

I'd get a copy of the owners manual - I seem to remeber seeing something along the lines of : Services 10,000 miles or a time period - the same goes for Air Filters and fuel filters they usually say time versus miles - I would have at least an annual service .