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A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter...where did you get it?" The guy replies "A genie from that bottle granted me one wish." "Great, can I try it?" "Sure." The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie. The guy says, "I want a million bucks!" "Done" says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door. "I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?" The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture." Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman. As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified? Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

Johnny's back at school The teacher asked, "Class use the word contagious in a sentence." Molly put her hand up and said, My little sister has chickenpox and they are contagious. The teacher said, "Very good Molly." Sally raised her hand and said, "My little brother has the mumps and they are contagious". The teacher said, "Very good Sally." Little Johnny was jumping around in his seat, hand raise in the air, waving back and forth. The teacher had been stung with Johnny's remarks before and was very reluctant to let him speak. Unfortunately he was the only other child in the class with his hand up. So the teacher thought she better give him a chance. "OK Johnny, give me a sentence with the word contagious in it" Johnny was all excited that he was given a chance. He said, "Teacher, my dad was sitting on the patio chairs with his friend drinking beer. My mom was cutting the lawn. Dad said to his friend "It's going to take that contagious to cut the lawn.

Three blokes chatting in a pub. The first one says that his wife is stupid because she has just spent

The factory ones clip into the same place as one of the rear seats which makes them more secure but at the loss of a seat. :blink: Andy.

hi Trevor, assuming you have a Mk1 Galaxy can you tell me what number or letter you have in Box 14 of the VIN plate. Box 14 is the next to the bottom one on the left hand side by the Ford emblem. :) Andy.

A man says to his wife "Say something to me that will make me both happy and sad at the same time" the wife replies "You have a much bigger d**k than your brother".

The cages are different. If you look on ebay you will see sets of removal tools for the later Ford units, they are flat and fit in the four corners of the units as oppose to the forks used on the earlier units. If you look closely at the picture you will see four horizontal slots about 1cm wide near the corners of the facia. :lol: Andy.

To a greater or lesser extent the same could be said for the French, Germans and the Dutch. The 'old' nations had most of the globe carved up between them. :) Andy.

If you drive through a puddle the first action of the wheels is to push some of the water forward. The tray prevents road spray getting on to the aux drive belt which could cause slippage of the belt around the aircon, alternator etc. :) Andy.

A Fiesta Silver is a limited/special edition along the same lines as the Flight, Flame etc. but funnily enough only available in one colour. :) Andy.

Welcome aboard. iv) see this link: http://www.fordgalaxy.org.uk/ford/index.php?showtopic=12633 :blink: Andy.

Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day. "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name Someone, Anyone and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "Okay, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise"? "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it." So, Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba ! Great to see You! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Bush," his Boss quickly retorts. Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." So, off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. The new Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time." So, off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, this will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later, Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his Boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened"? His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and The Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba"?

Dont know where you are situated but QAS in Bristol 0117 969 9500, did an auto-box fluid flush and refill for about

On seeing a caravan being towed with a cover on Plod's first thought would be 'someone has just half-inched a caravan and is making a quick get-away'. They would then return to their station and wait for someone to report a stolen caravan. :lol: ;) :lol: Andy.

Great idea Maz, but with the well documented failings in your sense of direction I take it you will be doing the last leg as you'll never find anyone else to pass on to. :) :) :D Andy.

According to David Bowie, Time was a dirty little devil who "flexing like a w**re, fell w**king to the floor"!!!!! ;) Andy.

Nope its the Additional Heater ( big lump in the nearside rear interior wing, difficult to miss !) The Auxiliary Heater ( note the correct spelling ) is the modified jet engine/smoke generator/silent exhaust pipe ( delete as appropriate ) under the rear passenger door. I thought I just said that? :lol: Andy.

Footwell illumination is fitted as standard to the Ghia but not the Zetec or LX. Whilst delving into the depths of my footwell I found that the wired socket for the lamp was already in situ and it only required a 5 watt push fit wedge bulb fitting and 'then there was light'. The passenger side socket is also fitted. They are to the very outside end behind the lowermost plastic strip at the bottom of the dashboard and below the glove box. The plastic strip can be easily pulled out of its locating holes and this exposes the sockets that are facing away from you. They are a twist fit and easily removed to fit the bulbs. Cheap upgrade. :lol: Andy.

What planet are you on then ? Ford Brochure Figures: Gal Mk2 overall length 4641 mm width 2142mm height 1759mm wheelbase 2835mm S-Max overall length 4768 mm width 2154mm heigth 1658mm wheelbase 2850mm :lol: Andy.

The aux heater is under the left hand rear of diesel gals. The rear heater(if fitted) is behind the left hand trim beside the third row of seats. :lol: Andy.

Hi Gregers, looks like the earlier ones are for the MK1 upto August/Sept 2000 and the later ones are for the Mk2 upto 2006 when the Mk3 came along. They are usually priced at

Try here: http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Ford-Galaxy-2000-200...VQQcmdZViewItem :lol: Andy.

I ain't gonna bite......yet ! ahhh go on you know you want to :lol: :lol: :D :D How many posts did that come to? ;) Andy

Thanks again, Neil. It worked a treat. I dont have Excel so tried a Works spreadsheet. Had to open the ASC file as 'all file types', then deleted the names(lat. long.) at the top of the columns and saved as a CSV file. The SmartST software recognised them straight away and they loaded up no problem. :) Andy.