gaznlou

This is a old hoax e-mail, just spam really, if you are ever in Doubt check (www.hoax-slayer.com) very good site

"Maybe it's still a women thing but I do know quite a bit about cars and whats under the bonnet but this problem did catch me out". Marie That's where you are going wrong the Speedo is not under the bonnet ;) Hope you sorted it out Gaz

The 2 fuses are under the drivers seat, (push seat back and remove the carpet flap) you can then trace the wiring back.from there. :D

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... ****************************************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And then the fight started... ****************************************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And then the fight started...... ***************************************** My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... ****************************************** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... ****************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ****************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... ****************************************** A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....

Marie Try this...... GazRemoval_and_Installation_inst_cluster.doc

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?! I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop w*&king. When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!" I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch. I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a sh!t." Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

So, Gordon Brown admits it

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.' 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. 'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.) 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.) 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!) 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.' Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

So Far 2 Rugby Balls, and 1 Football. As anyone actually had a delivery yet ?

Good B'ham based company, hope all goes well, your welcome, happy motoring ;)

Sounds as if you have purchased a non OE part, (been a long time, since I worked on these, so if the following info is incorrect, please jump in and correct ) quite sure the rubber, was a balance weight, so without this you will get vibration, as for the bearing, this should not be a problem, (as long as the fitting is correct). please note I am not a qualified mechanic, but done many jobs myself. If you are not 100% confident, then seek further advise.

Paul Try this...... Removal_and_Installation_LH_Drive_shaft.doc

The delivery truck, engine blew up ;)

Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be opened store. The store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling. No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked 'What you sell?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.' Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'You doing velly well, only two left!'

Round shape, bolts under the steering wheel, not a lot of change from

Cruise Diary DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited. ______________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY . DAY TWO We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man. ______________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY DAY THREE I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman. _____________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR Went to the ship's casino did OK ... won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband. ______________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled. ______________________________________________________ DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX I saved 1600 lives today... Four times!

That was the best goal Newcastle had scored all season shame it was a own goal :( Go on the Villa. Shearer Worst caretaker since Ian Huntley

Degs I had a brake light problem a few weeks ago, finally found out it was down to a doggy bulb holder, changed this perfect. Not saying this is your problem, but if you can borrow one try this first.

Galaxy Immobilizer, its not brilliant, but not really much of a joke now is it ;)

Moved up a place, ready for the drop, with the Boro, mind you look on the bright side, you can visit places like Coventry, Leicester, possibly Cardiff :P

As this post is nearly 4 years old, don't hold your breath on SaraSeahorse answering to soon :angry2:

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.' He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?' He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions this time, I

Next cheapest option is the throttle body.

If it's done at a fully compliant Testing station, then yes they should fail. I know a MOT station, who fails all vehicles, which do not have the BSAU mark on the bottom of the plates. Gaz

No problem, hope this solves it. Don't forget to let us know. It may help someone else one day.