Tee Hee

[Masked Marauder]

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was

enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't

strong enough to nick one.

 

The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't

want to have any more children.

 

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would

fix the problem but it was expensive.

 

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put

it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

 

The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the

world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my

ear is going to help me." "Trust me, it will do the job", said the

doctor.

 

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held

the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which

point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could

continue counting on his other hand.

 

This procedure allegedly also works in Birmingham, parts of Essex, Newcastle, Manchester, and anywhere in Wales.

[steve67car]

a nibble young girl is granted a wish by a fairy she caught at the end of her garden

to which she asks for big breasts and a tight c**t

so the fairy gave her 38 dd and vr6 phone number

(pls feel free to use or change the name and number to a suitabe person) :lol:

[Guest vr6galaxy]

More to the point what where you doing at the bottom of her garden? I thought you hung around with the rest of the fairy's in beckets park near the gents toilets :lol:

[Guest vr6galaxy]

Way back in the days Yuppies were about, two of them took time off from their busy schedule and started a family :lol: for the first few years of the childs life they bought him stocks and shares and invested money for his future, one year after comeing back from a class mates birthday party heasked his parents if he could have a real present for his birthday this year and not the usual stocks and shares

so his parents a bit knocked back asked what he'd like?

A COWBOY OUTFIT he shouted all excited from the back seat of the car

so the day arrived and he awoke all excited and ran down stairs to see what he had got? and there on the table was an envolope ;) in it was a certificate of ownership for a company ;) whats this he asked?

well replied his parents you asked for a cowboy outfit so we bought you one

and the boy replied what the hell do I want with local car radio shop ?

 

 

 

 

:huh: you can add or change the company to one of your choice

[Masked Marauder]

http://www.apparelsearch.com/images/Handbags%20Jenny%20Lew%20Freelancer.jpg

[Masked Marauder]

Dear IT Dept

 

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try to run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

 

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

 

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

 

I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any

>mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and

could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

 

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

 

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with

an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

 

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

 

Please advise

You should have tried running Whore 1.0, it is on a pay per use basis and will always work out cheaper in the long run.

[greg_68]

Patient memo:

As from Jan 1st 2006 all drugs must now be prescribed by their medical name.

 

The next time you can't get it up you must ask the doctor for

 

mecocksafloppin

[johnb80]

A bit like the female > male sex change operation:-

 

strapadicktome

 

:blink:

[chicosi]

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get

married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me.

 

My girlfriend?

 

She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

 

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts,

and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got

many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate

 

She never did it when she was near anyone else.

 

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding

invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I

was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could

not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she

wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my

life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word.

 

 

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead

with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as

I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down

her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment,

then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and

stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.

 

 

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter.

 

Welcome to the family!"

 

The moral of this story is?

 

 

 

 

Always keep your condoms in your Galaxy!

[Bigjeeze]

The owner of a gasoline station in Tattnall County, Georgia was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a billboard showing "FREE SEX WITH FILL-UP!"

 

Soon a local young man, Jim filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.

 

The owner told him "pick a number from 1 to 10; if you pick the right number, you will get your free sex." Jim picked the number 8, and the gas station owner said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

 

A week later Jim, along with his buddy Bill, pulled into the station. Jim filled his gas tank and again asked for his free sex. The station owner gave him the same story again and asked him to guess a

number. This time, Jim guessed 2. The station owner said, "Sorry, the correct number was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

 

As they were driving away from the gasoline station, Jim said to Bill, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex."

 

Bill replied, "No it ain't rigged Jim. My wife won twice last week."

[steve67car]

<_< this is the longest thread we got on here so lets keep it going

with word association and lets keep it funny if we can

and lets start with galaxy and where it ends who knows :o

 

 

 

 

GALAXY

[johnb80]

CHOCOLATE

[mumof4]

CAKE

[Masked Marauder]

Hole

[johnb80]

IS

[greg_68]

Isn't

 

is that what comes of having several young children? THe the first word that pops into my head after is - isn't

 

to save time in the future if you post

 

does

was

has

 

I would have posted

 

doesn't

wasn't

hasn't

 

(who else is bored at work?)

[mumof4]

IT

[Masked Marauder]

Information Technology

 

(sad geek yes, but it was the first thing that came into my head)

[johnb80]

really

[mumof4]

WILD

 

 

 

 

 

(thats me!! :blink: )

[Masked Marauder]

Country

[mumof4]

CLUB

[greg_68]

SEAL

[mumof4]

CULLING

 

 

 

(SORRY...JUST READING ABOUT IT!!)

[steve67car]

eskimo