Tee Hee

[steve67car]

god makes man he then stands back and looks

looks perfect he thinks

he then makes woman stands back and looks

thats fucking gonna have to wear make up he thinks :rolleyes:

[suzuki91]

looking foreward to spring?

[steve67car]

thats not her belly button

shes had a brazilian :ph34r:

[Guest vr6galaxy]

What she's eat a Brazilian :ph34r:

[steve67car]

the continant by the looks of it :ph34r:

[danyoda1]

MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said

  to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I

  didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**kin g Goofy."

you ruined it!!!

 

the joke should be...

 

mickey & minnie mouse are in the divorce court and the judge says

 

"sorry mickey, i can't grant you a divorce on the grounds that your wife has bucked teeth"

 

mickey replies "i didn't say she had bucked teeth, i said she was f#cking goofy"

[steve67car]

when asked how the day had been by a reporter elton john replied

"It was an excellent day fun was had by all the only down side was my ring was a little loose :D

[steve67car]

wife looks in to the mirror and says

i look fat wrinkly and over weight pls pay me a complement she says to her hubby

to which he replies

well love at least your eye sight is spot on

 

 

disclaimer in case wife reads this

no people were named or shamed and all people were fictional :P

[gregers1]

steve you bloody COWARD :ph34r:

[Masked Marauder]

I was talking with my best mate the other day and we got onto how we liked women, so I asked him "Do you like short hairy legs or long and smooth?" He replied long and smooth.

 

So I then asked about a woman's bum, fat and wide or pert, and he said pert.

 

We then got onto tits and he said he liked them round and firm, not big and saggy with the nipples pointing at the floor.

 

Now all that has left me puzzled.

 

 

 

 

If that is how he likes his women, why the hell is he shagging my missus?

[Topbloke]

ikeaarenow doing sekf assembley bed for lesbian couple's there is no screwing involved its tongue and groove

[steve67car]

god has a wicked sense of humour.............................. lets george best live til they have 24 hour drinking then calls time on the poor bastard :lol:

[gregers1]

:lol: :lol: :o

[steve67car]

whats yellow and is run off a 13 amp plug?

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. george best

[Rob C]

How many men does it take to open a beer?

 

None. It should be opened when she brings it to you.

 

 

 

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

 

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

 

 

 

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

 

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

 

 

 

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

 

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

 

 

 

How do you fix a woman's watch?

 

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

 

 

 

Why do men fart more than women?

 

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

 

 

 

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

 

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

 

 

 

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

 

A woman who won't do what she's told.

 

 

 

I married a Miss Right.

 

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

 

 

 

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

 

It's called a Wedding Cake.

 

 

 

Why do men die before their wives?

 

They want to.

 

 

 

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

 

 

 

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[mumof4]

at least a cucumber will stay up as long as it takes! B) :)

[Guest Turbo]

When is a tractor not a tractor?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When it turns into a field.......

[Guest vr6galaxy]

I thought it was when you fill its fuel tank with petrol and unhooked the plastic shed off the back :P

[Guest Turbo]

A Polar bear goes into a pub. The barman comes over and asks "what would you like?" The Polar bear replies " a pint of beer and er ..................................... em

................................................................................er ................................

a packet of salt and vinegar crisps please." The barman replies "certainly sir but why the big PAUSE?"

[johnb80]

A white horse walked into a pub and ordered a pint, the barman said did you know there's a whisky named after you? The horse looked puzzled for a while and said 'why would anyone want to name a whisky Eric?'

 

Goodnight - JB

[MatTdi]

Guts? Or Balls?

 

We've all heard about men having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below.

 

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

 

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

 

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

 

:P

[steve67car]

man walks into a night club with a pair of jump leads around his neck to which a door man says i will let you in as long as you dont start anything :P

 

 

 

 

seams tee hee has become the $hit joke corner like a vr6 fuel verse diesel debate lol :P :P

[Another?Maybe!]

OK, lets get really rock bottom.......!

 

What's the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can't wash you hands in a Buffalo......boom, boom!

[Another?Maybe!]

Scientists have been suspicious for some time that beer contains female hormones and could be dangerous if drunk to excess so they decided to do a controlled experiment.

 

50 men were asked to drink 6 pints of beer each in one hour & then their behaviour was observed.

 

It was found that all 50 men had the same symptoms, ie.....

 

Talked excessively without making sense.

 

Became overly emotional

 

Couldn't drive.

 

Failed to think rationally.

 

Argued over nothing.

 

Had to sit whilst urinating.

 

And refused to apologise when obviously wrong.

 

The scientists concluded that further testing was unnecessary!

 

 

(Sorry girls out there, guess it's get-your-own-back-time!)

 

PeteR

[Rob C]

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

 

Boy: "Dark in here."

 

Man: "Yes it is."

 

Boy: "I have a baseball."

 

Man: "That's nice."

 

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

 

Man: "No thanks."

 

Boy: "My dad's outside."

 

Man: "OK, how much?"

 

Boy: "$250."

 

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

 

Boy: "Dark in here."

 

Man: "Yes, it is."

 

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

 

Man: "How much?"

 

Boy: "$750."

 

Man: "Fine."

 

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and play catch."

 

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "$1,000."

 

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friend like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

 

They go to church; the father alerts the priest, makes the boy sit in the confessional and closes the door.

 

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."