Some Jokes For You

[Bigjeeze]

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.

 

 

When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.

Took her out with one punch.

 

 

My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.

"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.

 

 

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

 

 

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

 

 

Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

 

 

 

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

[mumof4]

Hehe..made i larf aswell.