Complaints

[gaznlou]

Crazy Complaints made to Leicester council. These were leaked out by an English teacher

 

These are extracts from actual letters sent to Leicester council and Housing associations

 

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my

knob off.

 

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put

his foot in the hole in his back passage.

 

3. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my

fence.

 

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet

roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.

 

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

 

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped

and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

 

7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the

walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

 

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

 

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and

not fit to drink.

 

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

 

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at

6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

 

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is

unsightly and dangerous.

 

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a

third so please send someone round to do something about it.

 

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do

something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

 

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my

wife.

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