I Know I'm Female But ...

[NikkiS]

Have you ever had one of those days that everything - and I mean *every*thing - goes wrong?

Okay, here's the scene (and bear with me - there is a technical question of some nature about 2/3rds down the post. Just skip what you don't want to read - I just had tyo get my frustration levels down a little ... :))

 

You (female, Dutch, working for a bank that was stupid enough to get itself sold to a Belgium, Scottish and Spanish trio) have been told that - as you're the only one in your team who's ever been "intimate" enough with a Glaswegian Celtic fan called Robbie to manage to understand what he was saying in a drunken stupor induced by yet another Celtic loss to Rangers - you have automatically been nominated to go over to London and talk to to the wee Scotsman who's been badgering your boss for weeks. Now usually I don't mind going to London.

And I've never minded wee Scotsmen either. At least they buy you a beer now and then - which is more than I can say for some of the Scroogey types you get here in Holland.

 

BUT: having chosen to live in the more Southern part of this country I need to get up *very* early so's I can make it to Schiphol in time to catch my flight. And yes, I know, I could fly from Eindhoven. Or Niederrhein/Weeze. Or Maastricht. Or even (revolutionary idea!) stay over and bed down in a hotel. Unfortunately our new owners don't seem to think that's necessary. So it's first plane into London, last plane out. And the worst part is: no time for SHOPPING! So on the eve of my travels I go to bed, set the alarm for 3 - yes indeed, that's AM - and try to get some sleep - not easy with a 7-month old who wakes up at the slightest sound. And not being the happiest of campers at that moment, I was being noisy (you know the "sleepless" routine? Deep sigh, turn over, another deep sigh, turn over again, yank at duvet, deep sigh, repeat until alarm it about to go off). I finally did manage to drop off; only to be rudely awakened about 5 minutes later by my s*dding alarm clock. Instead of its usual dulcet, soft music, I accidentally had the alarm set to "def con 5 mega noisy alarm designed to waken the dead". It certainly had the desired effect - on the entire family! After bedding everyone down again I took a shower, got dressed, got in car and drove off.

 

So far, no problem.

 

Decided to stop at my usual place (the guy behind the counter usually stands me a cup of decent cappuchino) for some diesel so's not to end up fuelless later that night. Got in car, and drove off again. Now just after you merge back on the motorway there's a small incline. It's not a hill so much, more an accidental drop of a little too much tarmac on the same spot, if you get the idea. The gal was halfway up this bump, when all of a sudden she jolted, hickupped, stalled (almost) and threw up so many warning lights and messages it looked like Christmas ...

• First there was the orange engine warning light (I've never understood that - why have an orange light warning me there's an engine in the front of the car? I *know* there's an engine in the front of the car. It's the thing in front skulking under the bonnet and guzzling up all that diesel)
  
• Then I got a large red triangle with the message "Engine Malfunction" (yes my car speaks English, fortunately)
  
• Then the engine management system kicked in, limiting the revs and speed ...
  
• ... followed by the flashing headlights of the big truck behind me who didn't appreciate me slowing to a crawl (well, neither did I)
  

So I guessed we had a problem and limped the car to the nearest hard shoulder to have a look ... translated this means I got out the manual to see what the lights meant. According to p.91 of the manual the orange engine one meant a problem with the engine. It didn't specify any further which wasn't much of a help as I'd figured out that one already. The red triangle with exclamation mark and the words "Engine malfunction underneath" meant there was something wrong with the engine ... well, yes, we'd already figured that out, remember, Mr Manual?? To be honest, the Galaxy manual (in Dutch) has always been a source of wonder for me. It's apparently been translated by Belgians: almost everything you need to look up in the index is either under the letter T (for "The)" or the letter A (for "A/An"). Very helpful. And one of the things I strongly recommend Ford NL to change!

 

Anyway, back to the hard shoulder. One useful bit of information was about the orange engine light. It said "if it is flashing, please stop immediately to prevent engine damage. If it is not flashing, you may proceed with caution to the nearest Ford garage". It wasn't flashing so I decided on option 2, but as I didn't think any Ford garage would be open at 4.30, I decided to call the ANWB (Dutch AA) for advice. Now I've had dealings with the ANWB before so I was forewarned. Nevertheless ..... here's what ensued:

 

[ring ring]

'Good morning ANWB may I help you?' [so far so good]

'yes, hello, my name is Nikki , I'm driving along the A2 at the moment but my car's motor management light is burning. The car's also smelling like there's something not quite right with it.' [Okay, my mistake - never start about a funny smell!]. 'Can I drive it to Amsterdam for a check up at the Ford garage or should I stop?'

'Okay ma'am, what kind of car do you drive?'

'It's a Ford.' [Obviously .... D'oh]. 'Galaxy. Ghia. Tdci.'

'What colour is it?' [What colour???? What's that to do with anything?? Oh well, maybe it's a fashion thing I'm missing?]

'It's Grape White ... Or yellow, whichever you prefer?'

'Right ... [sounds of furiously fast typing] where have you parked the car?''

'Euhhhhhhhh, that's why I called? [Remember?!?] I'm driving along the A2 at the moment?'

'But if I don't have your location I can't send anyone!' [Well, that's a bit of an open door ....and therefore obviously right. But that wasn't why I was calling. I decided to ignore this and to try the rational, logical, explanatory approach instead]

'Well, if you remember, that's why I called. Do I stop right here or can I drive to Amsterdam and go to a Ford garage there?'

'Well I don't know. The mechanic would have to take look first now wouldn't he.' [unassailable logic once again....I deduced she meant I had to stop so changed tack. By that time I was driving near Vught and knew there'd be one of those big yellow arches nearby]

'Okay, I'll park the car at the nearest MacDonald's. Will that be ok?'

'Euhhhhhh [more furious typing] so you're stopping at Geldermalsen.' [Nooooooo .... Geldermalsen is about 30 miles down the road from Vught! Nearest MacD is only 3 miles along.]

'No, I'll be stopping at 's Hertogenbosch! Exit De Herven. There's a Mac there as well [really!]'

'But my system says there's only one MacDonalds along the A2! So you can't be right [firmly]'

[suuuuuuure ... I've only been driving along this route for 7 years and have had two (!!) Job interviews at that same MacDonalds so of course I'm wrong ..... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Hate it when other people think they know best when I *know* I'm the one who's right! . Anyway, tried to persuade her that she's wrong: so patiently I said] 'No, I'm quite certain. There's a MacDonalds on Industrial Estate 'De Herven' which is along this road. I'll be taking exit De Herven and parking the car next to the MacDonald's.'

'But I don't see any exit 'De Herven' in my system. [Well it's a crappy system then!] 'Are you sure you're driving along the A2? Aren't you on a different motorway?'

[This is where I'd usually start dragging people through the 'phone line. A different motorway indeed ....] 'No, I'm quite certain. So is my navigation system. It's telling me we're on the A2 allright. So do all the signs I'm passing. So does the fact I've been driving this same route for 7 years now. I AM on the A2'

'Okay ...but I can't find any of what you're saying in my system. [i know. Crappy system, remember?] What's the little green km marker say?'

'114 kms. Am taking the exit now ... Look, there it says 'De Herven', and there's the MacDonalds.' [Ha haaaaaa! Who's right now, you silly moo.]

'Okaaay [hesitantly]. I'll send someone over. [Then, in a firmer tone] but he may take some time to reach you!'

 

And on that triumphant note - she hung up :)

 

 

Anyways, to cut a (very - sorry!) long story short, of course the AA guy found me next to the MacD (although he told me he was looking for a white car not a yellow one :D )and of course he couldn't find anything wrong with my car except for the fact the dash was lighting up like xmas and the gal was handling like a - dare I say it - a Kia (one of the older models naturally). After consulting with some of his colleagues they decided the best thing for me to do was to drive back home carefully, reschedule my flights and get the gal off to the garage. Which I did. And on to the garage for a check up

 

So far, I've had 3 explanations:

1. it's the ECR valve and we'll need to replace it [oh no!]
   
2. it's the catalytic converter and we'll need to replace it [oh no!!]
   
3. it's the DPF not being cleaned automatically and we'll need to clean it [okay, that doesn't sound too bad - that's the one I'd go for]
   

They all seem to make sense to me (not being very technical) but I wondered:

• Has anyone else ever experienced something similar with their Gal - it's the 2.0 diesel?
  
• Do the explanations make sense to you?
  
• Or is it something else again?
  

Would be glad to have some feedback ....

 

And tnx for listening :lol:

[mumof4]

Ahh nikki, you should team up with traveller, his posts are just like yours.LOL.

 

in regards to your Gal, sorry cant help, but you made me smile.

 

Hope you get it sorted hun. :)

[Smilge]

Nikki ...... thanks for the wonderful read! Another star to join the forum!

 

Right, firstly the TDCi engine is renowned for dodgy EGR valves (Exhaust Gas Recirculation.... not ECR) and basically is the valve that feeds some of the exhaust gases back into the engine to improve the emissions. They were made by a spanish company .... nuff said ..... and if you have a look at the Mondeo enthusiasts group (MEG) website you'll find that the TDCi owners have the same problems. Some clean the valves using carb cleaner or more often than not replace them if they can wait weeks for one to turn up at a dealer.

 

Secondly, depending on the age and mileage of the car when you bought it, and whether or not the car has had these problems before, will obviously determine the state of the CAT. If the car has been serviced regularly then there should be no reason for this to be changed.

 

Lastly the DPF (Diesel Particulate Filter - used to improve the emissions and reduce smoke) is cleaned by driving the car on a motorway for a number of miles stated in the manual. I would be very wary of someone trying to manually clean them or more importantly replace it as it will be incredibly expensive.

 

Hope this helps Nikki

[insider]

So far, I've had 3 explanations:

1. it's the ECR valve and we'll need to replace it [oh no!]
   
2. it's the catalytic converter and we'll need to replace it [oh no!!]
   
3. it's the DPF not being cleaned automatically and we'll need to clean it [okay, that doesn't sound too bad - that's the one I'd go for]
   

They all seem to make sense to me (not being very technical) but I wondered:

• Has anyone else ever experienced something similar with their Gal - it's the 2.0 diesel?
  
• Do the explanations make sense to you?
  
• Or is it something else again?
  

Would be glad to have some feedback ....

Isn't it still under warranty in which case this is just academic? They'll just fix it (eventually!) and you won't have to pay anything.

 

Something else that did occur to me though - are you sure you put diesel in? It was early in the morning after all!

 

Decided to stop at my usual place (the guy behind the counter usually stands me a cup of decent cappuchino) for some diesel so's not to end up fuelless later that night. Got in car, and drove off again. . .

[NikkiS]

Tnx for the feed back, all! Much appreciated (and traveler's *way* more funny than me, but that's beside the point ;) )

 

Well, then ... diesels

 

I like diesels. Lots of torque at low revs. Gets me ahead of people as the traffic lights jump to green. But the diesel engine holds many a mystery for me. BTW: one mystery it *doesn't* hold is what it drinks, insider! I gave her the usual diesel - but you're right: the AA guy asked me the exact same question (and spent the next half hour wishing he hadn't) ... I wasn't sure about anything anymore by that time but I did have the receipt and it de-fi-ni-te-ly said "66 litres of Diesel"! :P

 

EGR, eh? I'm blushing again! But I'm quite definite the mechanic said something different - but then that may be because he's from Brabant (they talk funny there). And if it's Spanish - that could definitely explain it. But mechanic-man thinks it isn't the valve; he's checked it out and it's showing expected behaviour (really that's what he said! Conjured up all sorts of strange pictures of what expected valve behaviour could look like - let alone unexpected valve behaviour ;) )

 

The car's only about a year old, so everything should fall under warranty. But if they need to replace the EGR (which is handily placed right at the back of the engine *just* where you can't reach it ...) it'll take 'em until next week to fix it (the mechanic-man manual probably has the following instructions: "order new EGR, wait, upon receipt of said valve: dismantle engine, replace valve, put engine back again, sweep left-over nuts and bolts underneath the bit of carpet put in easy reach in the corner of the workshop where the customer won't notice" ...). So I'd rather be excused! We need 6 seats (4 kids as well, mumof4 - empathy!) during the weekend. And they did give me nice shiny blue Mondeo to use whilst they're fixing my lovely car, but

 

1. it only fits 5

-and -

2. it's not an ST but a 1.8 ...

 

(I know I'm being ungrateful which isn't very nice of me but still ... ah, well, must be lack of sleep :D )

 

Mechanic-man (he's "Master Mechanic"-man, BTW, and knows his stuff) now reckons it's something to do with the DPF not being cleaned properly. He said he couldn't get the engine to run its self-cleaning programme and also couldn't manage a manual clean, so he's asked the Cologne expertise centre (which is only an hour's drive away in any case) for some help.

 

The saga will continue ... and even if I can't get my gal back in time tomorrow for the match - that won't stop our boys from whooping some French *rse ... (sorry big_kev: couldn't resist)

 

Cheers!

Nikki

 

:D

[Smilge]

Glad to hear they're sorting it .......... and I hope to God you beat the French!! ......... just the 4 kids Nikki? Got a couple to go to beat me ... ;) :D

[big_kev]

Well done Niks....you stuffed the french....impressive.

[tiny]

And I've never minded wee Scotsmen either. At least they buy you a beer now and then - which is more than I can say for some of the Scroogey types you get here in Holland.

 

I'm sorry but your post lost all credibility when you mentioned a Scot's man paying fo beer! :P :P :) :D :)

[kmac]

Hi Nikki

 

It seems we work for the same bank!! I'm based in London.

 

I too smiled at your point about Scotsmen buying you beer.

 

Say hi when you evetually make it to London !!

[NikkiS]

@tiny I used to study in Dublin - about the time of the '92 European Championship, actually (and I have now well and truly given my age away! :unsure: )

We lost to the Danes, eventually, when really we shouldn't have. So I dunno whether it was sympathy or anything else, but we got plied with a lot of beer by three Scottish guys during the three months we were there ... Somehow, those months went by in a haze and I don't remember much of what they tried to teach us there ... :angry2:

 

@kmac - Cool! Glad to know I'm not alone ... I'm usually at 199 when I'm across - and I'm usually across twice a month. Just been told I've been allocated to GBM so guess it'll be 135 at some point ... or Islington!

 

@everyone: keep your fingers crossed for us! We're up against the Russians next - Hiddink against van Basten. Should make for an entertaining evening anyways!

 

AND: the really REALLY good news is that I got my gal back and she seems to be doing fine!

 

Cheers!

Nikki

 

Gooooooooo -ORANJE!

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