A Sad Day

[adrianf.]

We had the sad news last wednesday that my wifes grandad had died.

He was a lovely old man who my wife was very close to.

He was 85 and passed away peaceully.

 

The funeral is going to be a week on Tuesday and we are not sure yet how we are going to cope with it.

 

I have been asked to be a bearer to help carry the coffin into church which is something i have never done before or looking foward to but will do it as its what nan wants.

 

The worst bit is nan has asked my wife to do a reading at the service.

Its something she want to do but gets tearfull just thinking about it and hasnt a clue how she will manage it on the day without breaking down.

 

Im just wondering if anyone has any experience at this sort of thing or got any good tips at how to get through it.

 

Sorry to be so morbid but just looking for a bit of help really.

 

Adrian.

[gregers]

so sorry to hear your sad news m8,i dont relish your better half doing the reading,personally i think you got the better deal out of it,rather then having to hold yourself together to make the reading,all the best.

[teresa]

so sorry to hear adrian its hard to lose a family member especially so close to christmas

my son used to work for the undertakers from what he said the only time the coffin is now carried is if there are any steps to climb otherwise its pushed on a trolly thats what happened at at his place of work anyway dont know if its different at other places something to do with health and safety .. cant really offer advice on how to get through it everyone copes different i know when my husband and my grandma died both within last 4 years i bottled it all up . when my hubby died 4 yrs ago i bottled it all up because of the kids but flipped at the wake.. with my grandma i did everything i could to help with preperation of funeral as my aunt was away i think that made me cope alot better with the situation i know its not much advice but hope it helps a bit

[mumof4]

For your wife doing the reading, No one will expect her to do it without crying/breaking down.What she can try and do is to think of the the good times, laughter, smiles, if she feels the tears threaten, then tell her to try and think of the good times and that her granddad will be so very proud of her doing the reading..

 

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

 

But please tell your wife not to worry if she does break down. funerals are emotional and no one is expected to carry a reading off without crying or getting tearful.

 

Hmm.....ok im gonna show a side of me not many know, i write prose.....maybe this will help your wife a wee bit if you get her to read it.wrote it myself.

 

As i fade from this life i feel my spirit soar high leaving the shell that has held it captive for so long, free it soars high above the clouds revelling in the rush of the winds and the warmth of the sun.

 

Do not be sad at my passing, for i am now in a wonderous place where i feel no pain, no sorrow, only joy at the things i have witnessed and seen whilst i was amongst you.You were my friends, my family and i feel blessed to have known you all, do not cry for me, be happy knowing that i am free from pain, and smile when you remember me.I will be forever in your hearts and minds.

[johnb80]

So sorry to hear of your loss, you have to believe he has gone on to a nicer place and therefore feel happy for him.

 

The only tips I can give you on the reading etc is what has worked for me on the occasions that I have been in this situation. Head up high, deep, slow breaths especially when you start to feel upset. Look up to the far corner of the roof and speak very slowly and loud. As you start to break down, don't worry or feel embarrased, take a moment, do the breathing, compose yourself and continue.

Like mumof4 said, people will understand and will appreciate the reading being done.

 

I used to play the organ at my church, funerals never really bothered me I used to play all the usual hymns. It was a sort of odd feeling being there but not involved directly. A young boy (9 yrs old) was killed in an accident, I was absolutely fine until I saw the coffin. I was playing at his parent request 'You'' never walk alone' as the coffin came into church, I don't think I managed more than 2 lines of it, I couldn't see to read the music. It was on the evening news, calendar if remember rightly I received a lot of mail from people telling me I shouldn't be embarrassed, that it showed real feeling etc etc. I struggled on through the rest of the service and I managed a reading, I felt much better afterwards having done all of that.

 

Like mumof4 said, think of the good times.

 

Regards - J