Jokes

[adrianf.]

A mother cleaning her son's room finds an S&M magazine under the bed.

Upset, she immediately shows the magazine to her husband.

"Well?" his wife asks. "What do you think we should do?"

"I'm not sure," the father replies. "But we certainly shouldn't spank him."

 

How to impress a woman: compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress, love her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go the ends of the earth for her.

How to impress a man: turn up naked with beer.

 

An elderly man and his wife are taking a stroll through the country when they spy a fence where they used to conduct their courting.

Excited by this, they make love furiously, with their arms and legs waving about everywhere.

When they are finished, the woman says, surprised, "You never had sex with me like that 50 years ago", to which the man replies "Well, that fence wasn't electric 50 years ago."

 

A turkey is chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighs the turkey, "but I just haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replies the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecks at a lump of dung and finds that it actually gives him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reaches the second branch.

Finally after a week, there he is proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Unfortunately he is spotted by a farmer, who shoots him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

 

 

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