Thankyou

[Davetheref]

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year.

> > > Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about

> > > rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use

> > > a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

> > > Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

> > reason.

> > >

> > > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (PennyBrown)

> > > who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

> > >

> > > I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once receive the

> > > $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating

> > > in their special e-mail program.

> > >

> > > I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214

> > > Angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has

> > > granted my every wish.

> > >

> > > I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually

> > > horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

> > >

> > > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though

> > > I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

> > >

> > > Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get

> > > answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends

> > > and make a wish within five minutes.

> > >

> > > Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove

> > > toilet stains.

> > >

> > > I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a

> > > serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

> > >

> > > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume

> > > sample and rob me.

> > >

> > > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number

> > > for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,

> > > Singapore and Uzbekistan

> > >

> > > Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine

> > > because a big black red-back spider is lurking under

> > > the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

> > >

> > > And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick

> > > up the $5 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was

> > placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

> > >

> > > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people

> > > in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will

> > > land on your head at 5 pm this afternoon and the

> > > fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you

> > > to grow a hairy hump.