Birdbrain

[Bigjeeze]

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the bonnet.

"Leave it with me," says the mechanic. "Come back in 20 minutes."

So, off goes the penguin. It's a pretty hot day, and he's a cool weather kind of guy so on spotting an ice cream van he goes and buys himself a 99. Now, penguins aren't very good at eating ice creams

[Bigjeeze]

Life with a woman is like a pack of cards, you need a heart to love one, you need a diamond to marry one, you need club to beat her, and a spade to bury the bitch!

[Bigjeeze]

A chav walks into a pub, orders a pint and puts some money into the jukebox.

As the coin drops, the machine shouts out: "Sod off! I'm not playing that shit!"

The bemused chav looks at the bartender and says, "That jukebox is well out of order

[Bigjeeze]

While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked."

The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?"

But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, we'll just lock the door."

So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work.

Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic.

Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, "Who is it?"

"Blind man," a man's voice comes back.

So she opens the door, and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns and says, "Great tits, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?"

[Bigjeeze]

It's a stockbroker's first day in prison and on meeting his psychotic-looking cell mate, when he notices how scared the stockbroker looks.

"I'm in for a white-collar crime, too."

"Oh, really?" says the stockbroker, sighing with relief.

"Yes," says the cellmate, "I killed a vicar."

[Bigjeeze]

After undergoing a full medical, a nervous man summons up the courage to ask his doctor: "How long have I got left to live?"

"Okay, I'll give it to you straight," the doctor replies. "Ten

[gregers]

why are women so good at house keeping???????????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

coz they get to keep the house when you divorce.