Bigjeeze Posted May 26, 2007 Report Posted May 26, 2007 I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and Suffering. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?". I said "Dust!" In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks. A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Grafton Street and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your will power." Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son!" A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying!" I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Quote
KellyJo Posted May 26, 2007 Report Posted May 26, 2007 And in our defence ...... Men are like.....Placemats.They only show up when there's food on the table. Men are like.....Mascara.They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like.....Bike helmets.Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly. Men are like.....Government bonds.They take so long to mature. Men are like.....Parking spots.The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small. Men are like.....Copiers.You need them for reproduction, but that's about it. Men are like.....Lava lamps.Fun to look at, but not all that bright. Men are like.....Bank accounts.Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. Men are like.....High heels.They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. Men are like.....Bananas.The older they get, the less firm they are. :rolleyes: ;) :D Quote
Bigjeeze Posted May 27, 2007 Author Report Posted May 27, 2007 It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend2. a companion3. a lover4. a brother5. a father6. a master7. a chef8. an electrician9. a carpenter10. a plumber 11. a mechanic12. a decorator13. a stylist14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist16. a psychologist17. a pest exterminator18. a psychiatrist19. a healer20. a good listener21. an organizer 22. a good father23. very clean24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm27. attentive28. gallant29. intelligent30. funny31. creative32. tender33. strong34. understanding35. tolerant 36. prudent37. ambitious38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined41. true42. dependable43. passio! nate44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping47. be honest48. be very rich49. not stress her out50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of time, especially ti me for herself53. give her lots of space, never ! worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget:* birthdays * anniversaries* arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food Quote
KellyJo Posted May 27, 2007 Report Posted May 27, 2007 Sounds perfectly balanced to me, don't see what the problem is!! :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote
teresa Posted May 27, 2007 Report Posted May 27, 2007 (edited) nope neither do i ..... can you please explain whats wrong with a man doing everything to make us women happy??? Edited May 27, 2007 by fun in a mazda Quote
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