Fairy Godmother?

[Bigjeeze]

From the Washington Post

 

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

 

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop.

'You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't,' he stated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.' 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

 

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. 'That was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's... just pumping away at this pumpkin.' Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. 'I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?' 'He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there and then looked me straight in the face and said,

 

 

 

'A pumpkin? **ck me... is it

midnight

already?'

 

 

[Bigjeeze]

Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven.

 

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

 

 

So they enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

 

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw

 

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

 

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is a nother extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

 

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

 

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

 

 

 

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

 

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

 

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

[gregers]

:lol: :lol: :lol: