New Elements

[teresa]

Scientists have recently added two new additions to the periodic table of elements:

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Element Name: WOMANIUM Symbol: WO

 

Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

 

Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

 

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and

precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

 

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

 

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

 

 

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Element Name: MANIUM Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

 

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample.

 

Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

 

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

 

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

 

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

 

 

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Women's Vocabulary Heres an explanation of women's vocabularyhttp://www.northwestcarp.co.uk/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

 

Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

 

Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so it's an even trade.

 

Nothing - This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

 

Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

 

Go Ahead - (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

 

<Loud Sigh> - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

 

<Soft Sigh> - Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

 

That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

 

Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

 

Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".

 

Thanks A Lot - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".__________________

Edited April 5, 2007 by teresag22003