mumof4 Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 The International Council of Manhood, Ltd. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.(:unsure: The moment Halle Berry starts unbuttoning her blouse.© After wrecking your boss' car.(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".(e) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have broughther to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while liftingweights: (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!(:D C'mon, give me one more! Harder!© Another set and we can hit the showers! 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs. 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever! 29: Pull out We hope this clears up any confusion. The International Council of Manhood, Ltd. Quote
Smilge Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 So why are you posting this mum? ....... you're really a man then? :unsure: Like these ...... 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. Quote
mumof4 Posted April 2, 2007 Author Report Posted April 2, 2007 well...........I saw it on another site and i thought you lads might like to have a gander at it as it caused such a debate on the other site. :unsure: (Damn my secrets out!!) Quote
Smilge Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 Copy and pasting from other sites? ...... mmmmmm ....... aup? I am surprised at you Mum. :unsure: Quote
mumof4 Posted April 2, 2007 Author Report Posted April 2, 2007 wasnt me.....the voices made me do it....i kept telling them it was wrong..but nooooooo they dont listen to me. :unsure: :D Quote
Smilge Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 I know .. I have the same problem ..... I dont think she would do that to you anyway .... Quote
Bigjeeze Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 For Mum then!! The Why's of Men 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their bottom-hole and they vapour lock) (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties) 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened) And the personal favourite: 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn) Quote
HullHornet#30 Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 What is the difference between men and condoms? Not all condoms are thick and insensitive. Quote
gregers Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)your really taking the urine with this one for mum now arnt you :lol: :o :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote
teresa Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 For Mum then!! The Why's of Men 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their bottom-hole and they vapour lock) (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) 5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties) 6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy) 7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened) And the personal favourite: 8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn) ROLMFAO :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote
big_kev Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 Ladies, Shouldn't you be doing the ironing or something. Quote
teresa Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 ironing????? oh yeah now i remember why i needed a man Quote
big_kev Posted April 2, 2007 Report Posted April 2, 2007 ironing????? oh yeah now i remember why i needed a man Yep....to change the plug Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.